Sem 5, Week 5: Ditch

Ok, The 5th week of the semester is just over.

One word that's been on my mind recently is the word "ditch". It's not that I never heard of it before; just that I very rarely use it. In fact, I still don't use it. Just that it had been on my mind recently, that's all.

So why the sudden interest in the word "ditch"? Because I realized that it's really easy to stay focus on the tasks at hand if I start to ditch some of the unimportant stuff away. Not literally (not always, at least), but more metaphorically. I have quite a lot of wants, but only a few needs. For example, I need to study, but I want to watch Youtube (indiscriminately). So, if Youtube is getting in the way of my studies, then I just 'ditch' my Youtube-watching habit away; and it's really easy to do that. Already I had 'ditched' quite a few habits of mine to focus on my work and studies and other important stuff. Somehow, it's just easier to break away from habits by thinking that I am 'ditching' it than to think that I am "ban" from doing it. I dunno, maybe it's an empowerment thing; but whatever works....

Ok, so for now, I shall 'ditch' blogging for the next one week, and go back to work.

2010 - A Quick Review

So, with 6 more hours to the end of the year, there's still time to do a quick review. So here goes:

Looking back, 2010 for me was split into two halves. The first half is about me trying to save myself from being booted out of my MSc course (and I succeeded, phew!). The second half was more complicated as it is not only just about me keeping the momentum of the first half, but also about me handling a few other situations - some good, some bad, and all of them I will not mention it here (well, maybe not now, at least).

The first half of 2010 was like so far away that it feels like it happened last year in 2009; on the other hand, the second half seems like it's not about to end with the year, even though many things had already come to a conclusion. I guess that's just the way things are: a year usually begins by carrying forward whatever is left over from the previous year, and will only really starts after a couple of months into it (at least).

But well, I am not complaining. Overall, a lot of things had happened in 2010, and a lot of things had been achieved. There are simply too many to name here, but they are mostly good, and seldom bad. All of them come together to lay out a good 2011 ahead.

And I just can't wait for the new year to start.

A New Year

A new year, a new hope.

Before I look at the year ahead, let's start by looking back at the year passed. For me, 2008 had been a rather good year. Got a pay raise and a bonus; extended my contract; the project I was working on is moving on to the next phase; caught up with K (my boss in Basel) when he came visiting; and most of all, got a education grant and successfully fought back to school when my application for the MSc course (part-time, coursework) was accepted.

However, that's not all. My sister got married; so was few of my friends; made new friends when I picked up inline-skating again and reunited with some old friends through the power of internet (Facebook, to be exact). I also got to see my nieces and nephews for the first time! They are so cute!

I'm sure there are a few more good things that happened last year, but it slipped my mind. It doesn't matter. Because I'm sure 2009 will be another good year with many good things happening. Of course, there will be challenges and bad times, but why bother about them? What's the point of remembering them? There is no point; just get through them, learn the lesson, keep the experience (if there are any) and forget about the rest.

Yes, 2009 will be another good year. It's up to me to make sure of that. There are a few things I want to achieve in this coming year. I ought to make them into the New Year's resolutions, but then I read an article that said making New Year's resolutions might be bad for mental health. So I am not going to make any resolution. Nonetheless, I do have plans and I am hopeful I will achieve what I want achieve. This is the year where everything will happen.

There is hope, there are plans and my morale is high. Therefore I shall not wait.

Let the year begin.

The Day Before.....

Went blading with one of my blading kakis yesterday. It's been about a couple of months since I bladed and it felt good to be blading again.

Perhaps it's because I stayed indoor for too long and haven't been getting much sun, perhaps I haven't been in such a state of fast, fluid motion for too long, or perhaps it's both. I really don't know, but I really enjoyed myself blading yesterday. Up and down the ECP we bladed, alongside the beach, passing by all the active, happy people engaging their own leisure activities.

We started in the late afternoon until the evening. After kaki had left, I bladed by myself up to the Bedok jetty and stayed for a while to enjoy the sunset (yes, you can see sunset at the jetty, just that it's in the other direction instead at the sea). The evening, the sunset, being outdoor. Things I experienced a lot when I was a student and when I was in the army. Come to think of it, these are things I came to appreciate but seldom have time to enjoy it nowadays because of work.

So, yah, from now on, I will spend more time outdoor and enjoy the sun, the evening, and everything else. Shall lead a more active lifestyle instead of just lab and home. This way, it's more like... me, myself.

This way, I will definitely be happier.

I Need To Write Something, I Need To Write Something...

Woke up in the morning feeling like today is still a holiday.

But no.... the cold, hard fact is today is a working day, so I had to drag myself out of the bed, go through the usual routine and off I am on a MRT train to work.

As the train approached the workplace, the working mood started to kick in. Ya, I am ready to work through the day ahead. I don't dread going to work. The work is interesting. I get to create things and I get to learn stuff. There is this sense of satisfaction and achievement when a compound is being made; there is also another sense of satisfaction when new knowledge is being acquired, understood and - sometime - mastered. It all feel so real.

Yes, it is real. What I do in my job is real, what I learned from my job is real, what I achieved in my job is real. I do have my own view about what is real, but I am not in the mood to elaborate on it now. Maybe I will devote another entry for that.

Better This Way

I have a confession to make, that is: I make a lot of mistakes.

Whenever I made a mistake (at least most of the time), I apologies, take all responsibilities/punishement, and do all the damage control. In a perfect world, that will be enough (but then again, in a perfect world, I would not be making all these mistakes in the first place). However, since this world is not perfect, it just means that even after all can be done was done, somethings will never be the same again, and some people - especially those that really matters - can never forgive and/or forget. Because of these, I will have regrets. Huge regrets.

But then, life have to go on right? I can't keep harping onto every one of these regrets and impede myself from going forward. So, since I cannot turn back time and undone what had been done, the way I deal with it is to tell myself, "it's better this way".

Yes, it's better this way. I made a mistake and I learned from it. So I got to know a bit more about life, got a bit more wiser, and maybe a bit more mature. I just might become a better person because of it. If I didn't make the mistake, I might never learn.

Of course there might be scars that never heal, things that are broken beyond repair and people who will never forgive and forget, but all I can do is leave it as it is and move on. There is nothing more I can do and the last thing I want is to try too hard to make things like before and end up making a bigger mistake (and this, I learn from my mistakes). So, I will leave things as they are and they will serve as a reminder to never repeat the same mistake again.

Anyway, sometimes if things were to remain like it was before, it might not be a good thing. I mean, sometimes the situation just allows one to be at their worst and get away with it. Or sometimes the situation is just plain hopeless; one might be going nowhere, not achieving and/or not learning anything if things just remains the same and go on meaninglessly. So really, it's better to break something, get out of the situation and move on.

Since the situation is already like this, might as well make some positive out of it. Yes, things might be much better if no mistake were made, but it also might be much worse. Since the mistake had been made, perhaps it just make life more comfortable knowing that things could be worse and that a lesson had been learned to make one a better person. And even if it's the worst situation, then well, things can only get better

So yah, it's better this way.

What If......

Here's the scenario: what if I really studied hard when I was in school?

Let's roll the years all the way back till pri sch (since my parents were the one who chose the sch and I couldn't have much say in it anyway). Let's say I paid attention in class and studied hard from the pre-pri onwards. Most likely I will get very good grades and so when streaming comes, I would end up in EM1.

Then, let's say I did very well in PSLE and received a very good result, say, 260 onwards. Then I get to choose to go to some of the top sec sch. Since my pri sch is a Chinese sch where most top students would end up in one of the top Chinese sec schs, maybe that's where I would end up.

Assuming that raging hormones didn't get the better of me and I continued to work hard, I would most likely end up with a very good 'O' level grades. Not the best, but still a single-digit score for L1R5 (reasonable standard of the sch). With affiliation, ECA, etc, I would be able to enter into on of the top 5 JCs (yes, anywhere else will be unthinkable).

While in JC, let's say hormones continue to not be a problem. So maybe I would do jus enough to get the customary distinctions in all subjects for 'A' level. Not so sure about 'S' papers (or whether I am taking them at all), but scholarship was definitely out of reach (yes, I know this is just a scenario, but still there are limits...).

So with my 'A' level result, entrance to University is not a problem. Let's say I stayed and studied locally. That will means most likely I would go to NUS. Maybe I would take up Chemistry anyway. Or maybe I would end up in Chem Engg. Or maybe Meidicine. Whatever I end up studying, I would get good results and perhaps I would up doing a direct PhD.

Then what next?

I would graduate. With my good academic result I would had ensure I got a nice and stable job. I would work for the next 20, 30, 40 years, having achievements here and there. But end of the day, I would still be working, still be another face in the crowd and still be an ordinary guy.

Not much difference from what I am now.

So in this case, I guess I had more fun doing what I did when I was in sch.