Success

It's almost a week since my last post, so to prevent this blog from being too stagnate, I will just write some mindless rambling here.

You define your own success. I last heard this (dunno if I heard this before then) from Assoc. Prof Eugene Khor during this seminar for all chem students who are either graduating or going to the honours years, where various lecturers talked about career opportunity and postgrad studies, etc etc.

Notice how I address Prof Khor in capital letters? That's a show of respect for him. Cos as lecturer goes, I think he is one of those who show real concerns for students. Wat happened was that b4 the seminar, I was chatting with a few others, and he came up and talked to us about our future plans. I gave some negative remarks, and he said "Maybe we should talk. U sound negative." Then after the seminar, he actually did come and talk to me. After listening to my worries, he kinda said something encouraging, including this: "u are born a winner (me: shaking head). No, u are born a winner. Out of billions of sperm, u are the only one that got through and came out as a person. U are born a winner." He then remarked that he met me late. If he met me earlier, he could had helped more and told me that if I need to talk more, I can look for him. Somehow I believe he sincerely meant that, which is unlike some other lecturers.

So anyway. U define ur success. So in this case, I can say I had been successful. I succeeded in going to the university. I succeeded in graduating. I succeeded in passing out from my vocation training in NS. I suceeded in completing my NS. I succeeded in passing all my IPPT after I ORD. I succeeded in learning how to rollerblade and I succeeded in obtaining a 2 star for kayaking. It is kinda good to think this way, focusing on wat had been achieved and done rather than wat had not. Kinda gives the motivation to move on and achieve more things. So really, maybe there is no need for motivational books cos all the motivation from come from within.

Now, let's talk about the future. How do I define my own success in the future? In the next 5 to 7 yrs, success will be obtaining a PhD. Then for the next 15 to 20 yrs after that, success will be to have a rewarding and progressive career, something that will see me have my own office, taking on more responsibilities as I go along, moving into a leadership or management position and maybe sitting in a committee or something (not really that I am power-hungry or something, but just for the fun and experience of it). Maybe win an award or something (again, for the fun of it. If that doesn't happen, it's ok).

However, most importantly, most fundamentally, success for me is to be able to take on all the responsibilities I have, and will be having, from my family. To fully support my family both materially and emotionally, and to provide my family with a comfortable life, will be the greatest personal success.

All my dear frens, great frens, good frens are important to me as well. So, my 2nd greatest success will be to hold on to them and to be there for them when needed.

It's always good to have a goal and a source of motivation. That way, I will have a reason to wake up in the morning (feeling motivated) and know why I am doing wat I am doing. So all I need now is to work hard and never give up, and I will be there, achieving my next success.

A Century of Reactions

The week is coming to an end, and the achievement of the week has to be that on Friday I did my 100th reaction since coming here. (Though I will like to say following my fitness program is another achievement, but I missed two runs, so no count...)

What it means is that, in the 6 mths here, I had done much more reactions then my full 3 yrs in NUS, where I get to do about 10 reactions per sem, and I dun even like all of them.

Personally, I think Chemistry is about lab. Chemist should be in the lab. You do an experiment, collect the data, analysis it and u learn. I dunno, maybe I am more of a hands-on guy who learn-as-I-do, think-as-I-do. The current situation suit me jus well, and I am learning much more stuff then attending lecture and going through structed modules.

Anyway, I am motivated now. Looking forward to a new week (and that's partly cos weekend has once again been disappointing). Onwards to the next 100 reaction.

Smoke Out Lab

This is something which I guess only dear fren Andrew would appreciate, but I'm gonna put it down anyway...

Here's a suggestion if u wanna literally smoke out in the lab: pour thionyl chloride into waste chemical bin (minor fuming might be observed), followed by hypochlorite (u will be seeing more fumes), then add concentrate ammonia solution. Violent fuming (better than from smoke grenade) of white smoke will be observed.

This is a good smoke out method cos not only can u smoke out, the smell of chlorine gas, ammonia, and some other gases will keep ppl from coming in. Of cos, a word of caution is that never stand too close to the bin when u add the ammonia, especially never put ur face too close. Else u will fill the full effect of the violent fuming and ur lungs will feel weird for a while, and for that u will need to stand at the balcony and breath deeply for cool fresh air.

It's Been A Year

A year ago today, my ex broke up with me. We were together for 10 months. It was supposed to be longer then that, much longer. However things went very wrong and it ended. Out of respect for this relationship, I decided to remain single for a year.

Initially it was simply to mourn for a relationship gone by, but as time goes on, this idea of remaining single took on more meaning. It became a period that I ponder wat I really want in life and in a relationship. A period about self discovery. A period where I put my life back in order and sort myself good and well.

Over the past year I had kept my word and remain single, which is good cos I like to keep my words. Even if nobody else cares, at least I still kept my words to myself. Doesn't really take that much effort though, all I did was to sit back and do nothing.

The things is, throughout the year, I just live life as per normal. There was no special arrangement or things like that to make me keep my words. Which is why I didn't feel anything special about today: no sense of relieve or achievement or anything. Today is jus another normal, boring Saturday.

In fact halfway through, I had already gotten over the break-up and wasn't feeling sad about it anymore. It had become another past memory and experience of mine. Everything else about it, I left it behind. Which is most likely why I place a few more meaning into remaining single, so as to have more purpose in doing so.

Over this one year period, I figured out certain things and have a better idea of wat I want. So when I am once again in a relationship, I can share the sorrow, carry the burden, and lift away the pain, sadness and depression. To be an emotional support, to be always around and give assurance. Yah I can do all that, cos I am unbreakable. I have to do all that. True happiness in a relationship depends on it.

But I am not in a rush to be in another relationship. I am quite laid back about it. The plan for now is just to live life as per normal. Got some other commitments (such as my family) to fulfill and some goals (such as furthering my studies) to pursue. Dun really think I can fit a relationship into the plan, so I am leaving it out at the moment. I am keeping an open mind though, so if fate decide otherwise, I wun refuse (yes, I always have a way out...)

Anyway. It had been a year. It is over. I fulfilled my words. Move on.

Smooth sailing ahead.....

On A Day Like This......

Woke up in the morning. Walked a friend who stayed over last night to the lobby. Came home, and suddenly I had a thot: on a day like this, I wish I am back at work.

Maybe it's the morning grumpiness, or maybe it's the quietness, or maybe simply I am bored. Somehow I see the day ahead as boring, flat and bland. There is really nothing to do, and when I had loads of serial episodes in my laptop and I am not interested in watching anyone of them, I know the day had already made me so bored, that I'm even losing interest in doing anything.

I wanted to go out. Anywhere, and do something. Maybe I will jus take a train to Geneva. Or anywhere, I really dun care. The destination is not important, I jus wanna be in motion, be moving. I jus wanna sit in a train and look at the scenery outside. But I am too lazy and too bored to get spontaneous and get moving.

Then I lay on the sofa and watched TV. Played my PSP in my room. Slacking around in general and the thot changed: on a day like this, I hope it never end. Ok, so it's like I dun want to start work tmrw. Nothing to look forward to in work anyway. Rxn schemes are coming bits by bits, and I am still trying to get back my concentration, which requires my heart, mind and soul all in my work. Without it, I can't be back on form.

Joined two ladies on a jog down the river in the late afternoon. Nice weather and lotsa ppl by the river. Maybe the gang should dine by the river one of these days, have a relaxing late afternoon or something. The jog was nice and lifted my mood. Running has always been my anti-depressant, my prefered choice of meditation and my way of expending restless energy.

So now it's night, and everything is peaceful. Day turns to night and time passes by. A day gone is a day foward. If today dun end, a new day wun start, a new beginning wun come.

On a day like this, I know there will be a better tmrw.

The 1st Week

Today is my 8th day back in Basel, and I really dunno how to describe how it had been.

There was Fasnacht, which is a carnival. Went on the first day, and the last day (which was yesterday). Had some fun, got some goodies, and lotsa confetti.

Housing is still an issue, it's rather distracting, but I am doing the best I can.

If I say that I didn't suffer from any homesickness, then I am lying. However it's an on-off thing, so it'll pass sooner or later. It come on pretty often when I am in the lab, probably cos I am relatively free in the lab and still not in the working mood.

Speaking about lab, it's rather relaxed now that K is not in the lab all the time and I am doing very little. I am not really back into form, but slowly and surely I am picking up. Doing one reaction a day with lotsa waiting time in between. But suprise, suprise, I am still able to make a school-boy mistake. Wasted some starting material cos of that. It's kinda unforgivable, but oh well, I jus came back, and it's only the 3rd day I started work (no reaction on Friday, Monday was holiday cos os Fasnacht). Jus be more careful next time that's all. Not as if I will make this kinda mistake when I am back on form....

Sometimes it's like I am doing ok, sometimes it's not. Maybe it's cos I had not settled into a rhythm yet. It's still the 1st week afterall, and eventually I will be more settled.

Anyway, it's gonna be a good season. So tmrw will be a better day.