Clearing Leave

My mind is empty, I have no useless thoughts to write about, and I just posted a youtube video a few posts ago.

But having only one post this month just doesn't seem right. So for the sake of just putting something down, I am going to write about the things I wanna do while clearing my leave.

Yes, I am clearing my leave now, expending all 4.5 days of my leave carried forward from last year before they expire on 1st of May. What this means is that for more than a week, I don't need to go to the lab (and face the sometimes-I-just-wanna-scream-at-you Z) . So during this free time, initially I wanted to:

- Read a book. Anyway book. Actually I had some books in pdf version in my laptop, but reading from a screen is different from reading an actual book. I had picked up a couple if titles from the library (ah! visiting the library, something I had wanted to do for a long time. Now I did it, I should do it more often....)

- Kick-start my fitness plan. Battling an ever-expanding waistline, a ballooning weight, plus the need to (at least) pass the IPPT, this is a must-do. There is no try....

- Skate at ECP. Just did it! Met up with some nice ppl from the net, skate for the whole afternoon last Sat. Nice experience. I can really write a post about this, so maybe I will do it after the next session this coming Sat...

- Swim. Yes, I want to swim. I had not swim for ages. I want to dip in a pool of water and move around in it, while my mind is fill with calm.. or simply, nothing.

- Kayaking. (Might take a bit of work.....)

- Finish my 10-years-in-the-making cross stitch project!

- Finish the third part of my Epic!

There's another one about tidying up my room and another about reading up on organic chemistry and spectroscopy (for my work...). There's also one about going shopping and another one about meeting up with friends.

Then suddenly, it just struck me: I only have a week, I can't possibly accomplish all the things I listed above. So what this means is that most likely, some of the stuff above will get left out, and I will feel a bit disappointed about that.

Oh well, that's life. So many things to do, but so little time.....

Better This Way

I have a confession to make, that is: I make a lot of mistakes.

Whenever I made a mistake (at least most of the time), I apologies, take all responsibilities/punishement, and do all the damage control. In a perfect world, that will be enough (but then again, in a perfect world, I would not be making all these mistakes in the first place). However, since this world is not perfect, it just means that even after all can be done was done, somethings will never be the same again, and some people - especially those that really matters - can never forgive and/or forget. Because of these, I will have regrets. Huge regrets.

But then, life have to go on right? I can't keep harping onto every one of these regrets and impede myself from going forward. So, since I cannot turn back time and undone what had been done, the way I deal with it is to tell myself, "it's better this way".

Yes, it's better this way. I made a mistake and I learned from it. So I got to know a bit more about life, got a bit more wiser, and maybe a bit more mature. I just might become a better person because of it. If I didn't make the mistake, I might never learn.

Of course there might be scars that never heal, things that are broken beyond repair and people who will never forgive and forget, but all I can do is leave it as it is and move on. There is nothing more I can do and the last thing I want is to try too hard to make things like before and end up making a bigger mistake (and this, I learn from my mistakes). So, I will leave things as they are and they will serve as a reminder to never repeat the same mistake again.

Anyway, sometimes if things were to remain like it was before, it might not be a good thing. I mean, sometimes the situation just allows one to be at their worst and get away with it. Or sometimes the situation is just plain hopeless; one might be going nowhere, not achieving and/or not learning anything if things just remains the same and go on meaninglessly. So really, it's better to break something, get out of the situation and move on.

Since the situation is already like this, might as well make some positive out of it. Yes, things might be much better if no mistake were made, but it also might be much worse. Since the mistake had been made, perhaps it just make life more comfortable knowing that things could be worse and that a lesson had been learned to make one a better person. And even if it's the worst situation, then well, things can only get better

So yah, it's better this way.